Even if it kills me
by Secoluna
Summary: Should I stay or should I keep chasing my reality? You are learning to walk away - but backwards. A 30 drabble fic based on the Xiaoyu/Jin's relationship.
1. The Puppet Master

**The puppet master**

**Puppet master/noun:** A person who manipulates an object to create life.

_"Justice and truth are empty concept that le__ads to cancerous history. People have died through absolute truths. People mistake their greed as their truth and eat up the world. They chant democracy and freedom as though they were religion."- Heihachi Mishima _

_

* * *

_

He is sitting in his dojo located near a rushing river. The dojo lay between two snow-capped mountains that brought a cold breeze that he could never feel. The place is quiet; it's away from the city full of false freedoms, hopes and dreams. This magnificent dojo overflowed with only reality.

His frayed gi pants and his unusually spiked hair sway against the wind. His hair use to be grey but now it was white. This place is too quiet. This was not the kind of place for him. The mountain breeze always brought whispers from the city. He tries to drown them out but they whisper loudly. [_Training to become stronger. Exiled by his grandson. Driven out of his company. Too weak._ ]

_Too weak._ He grunts and it makes his moustache twitch. Impotent idiots.

He stares at an elaborate chess game laid in front of him – the black and white chess pieces stood tall and proud on the chessboard. The formidable opponent was invisible._ Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power._ **Tao Te Ching**. He moves the black bishop into a square. He thinks back when it was his and he beams. Heihachi Mishima was Tekken. Tekken was Heihachi Mishima. He then moves the white bishop to counteract his previous move. He thinks back when Heihachi Mishima became synonym to fear. When his very own voice sent shivers down people's backs. _You see what power is – holding someone else's fear in your hand and showing it to them_. **Lincoln**. He grins much wider this time.

They think of him as someone who craves power (who will do anything to get power). Only a mad man will wake up a Aztec fighting God like Ogre (only a mad man will try to _combine_ his power with Ogre. _What a lucky, Ogre_). His successors had it easy and he hates them for it. They are weak. Them and their Devil Gene. But he is much clever than they are as he always he had a plan and a tactic. He was always one-step ahead – thinking about the next move, always the next move.

He stares at the files that a security guard tentatively drops near the fallen chess pieces. Names like _Eddy_, _Phoenix, Law, Williams, Fury_ and _Fox_ stare back at him. He studies them carefully and plans his attack. He smirks. They don't know what hits them – only that they will be reacquainting themselves with the floor.

They don't know it but he is controlling each one of them. [All pawns being moved on the chessboard]. All of them, fighting, dancing, falling and moving to his plan. Their every step and every move were planned. They will fall when he wants them to fall. They will throw a punch when he wants them to throw a punch. And the beauty of all this? They don't know. Unaware fools. They don't know that he planned their lives and each of them falling into the stage of Tekken. _They always come back to Tekken._

He picks the top folder and smiles at the name.

His ex-ward. [Enter pawn one]

His little project.

She made life more interesting when she was 15 and bouncing around the mansion. He still laughs at the memory of her trying to paint one of the dojos pink - that dojo is still pink.

Again, she's part of the plan. _She always comes back._

He smiled at the photo attach to the report. Short. Pigtails. Annoyingly bright bracelets. Cheesy grin.

_He did have a weakness for the Chinese heritage [Enter pawn three: Lee]_

To tell you the truth, Heihachi thought she was going to fail and maybe, he wanted to see her fail. He doesn't know. The girl was good but not that good to win Iron fist. She wasn't a liable investment and he still not sure, what made him say yes. The girl was unfocused and the one thing that Mishimas prided themselves is their ability to focus. Without focus, they weren't able to harness the lightning energy, without focus, they wouldn't be able to win Iron fist, without focus they will not be able to run a Zaibatsu.

But.

But there was something about this girl. Many have told him the girl was careless and inability to concentrate. (_Xiaoyu! Pay attention! Drop that candy, young woman! Where have you been? I said left not right! No, don't go with Panda. – you have to practise….)_ But, he wondered sometimes.

He wondered when she knocked out one of the toughest martial artist in the world.

He wondered when he found her training late at night in one of the dojos.

He wondered when she stared him and demanded the location of Jin Kazama.

He wondered when she abandoned her family.

She **abandoned** her family to get an amusement park. It was a sacrifice she made.

**That.** Heihachi can relate to that. (He thinks back to when he threw Kazuya down the cliff, sacrifices had to be made - he had to be stronger. He can't afford to be soft). (_So you threw your son down a cliff? You didn't want to be soft. )_

_Holding someone else's fear in your hand and showing it to them._

Maybe, that's why he wanted to train her. Maybe he wanted a challenge and see if he can focus this girl. He knew that she could fit into his plan. But he doesn't know how.

No.

He's lying. He knew how.

He chose her because of Jin. (Enter the fourth pawn).

Back then, Heihachi could feel it. Jin is too much of a Kazama to admit that he thinks he's one of the best fighters out there. His grandson is a good fighter no doubt about it (he is a Mishima after all) but he has his weaknesses.

He was slow. She was quick.

He was focused. She was erratic.

He thought of his every move. She was impulsive.

She was perfect sparring partner.

She was strong he knew. Truth to be told, he has grown fond of her. He knows she will be hurt. Again, sacrifices had to be made. He's sure she will understand that.

He scans her page and snorts. _Jin Kazama_ was littered all over her report. (All part of the plan).

He shakes his head as he thinks of his grandson's father. What a waste. Batting eyelashes and a few kind words by a floozy in a white dress easily influenced Kazuya. That's all it took his child to lose focus and forget the bigger picture. A floozy he could not control or intimidate.

_His grandson was growing too much like his father. __(Perfect, he inwardly smirks)._

He thought of that too. In case, his grandson is _exactly_ like his father - he was ready. Enter pawn one (_Ling Xiaoyu meet Jin Kazama_). He can control this one. All it takes is kind words and promises of amusement parks. If Jin happens to lose focus, he has Plan B. He can control Plan B if he has to. History will not repeat itself. He will not let it happen.

**I****F** Jin loses focus.

Jin was much stronger. Yes, Kazuya was stronger physically but Jin was stronger mentally. The child was able to focus better than anyone he knew (well, besides himself).

He knew he had two options – groom him or kill him.

Back then, he chose to groom his grandson. This one will speak, fight and think like him. He is getting old now and he knows he cannot live forever (not that he won't try of course). He didn't make mistakes on this one. He thinks.

Jin will follow his plan.

Heihachi was powerful man with a plan for the world. His wrinkles hid what was really underneath. But he still needed more. He has to have more. He needed the world.

His moustache twitched. Correction, the world needed him. They're all begging to be saved from themselves. Prejudice cloaked as justice. Democracy decorating economic gain. What did it get you? He thinks back when he lost her. Kazumi. (That name sounded foreign in his head).He refuse to admit it but he was weak back then. (Too weak to say _no, dear don't go out tonight. The city is unsafe; you know there is industrial action taking place. The strike is on….._).

Those thoughts are for the weak.

They needed a new world. The only way to do that is to destroy the current world. He made a mistake on his son, he won't (didn't) make a mistake on his grandson. The perfect heir.

It was going perfectly. The boy trained, talked and fought like him. It was going according to plan and then it happened. There was a small flash in Jin's eyes during training. The flash shouted Kazuya and he knew. He knew he had to kill his grandson. (_One bullet. He couldn't find a cliff at the time_). Nevertheless, Jin was a Mishima. Jin survived. Jin lived. Jin fought. (For once, he relied on the Kazama blood being stronger).

Heihachi drops the folder on the ground and moves the white queen near the king on the chessboard.

When he hears Jin bombing half of the world, he laughs.

_Checkmate. _

_(According to plan). _

_

* * *

_

**Next chapter:** Forget-me-not

_In Germany, it was believed__ that those that wear forget-me-nots would not forget their lovers. According to legend, a knight and lady were walking by a river when he picked up a bunch of flowers. The armour he was wearing was so heavy that he fell into the river. As he was drowning, he threw the flowers to the lady and told her "Forget me not". To this day, the flower symbolised faithfulness and enduring love. _


	2. Forgetmenot

**You're learning to walk away but backwards. **

**Forget-me-not **- /noun: Blue, pink or white flowers with yellow centers known as Myosotis. They bloom in spring.

_In Germany, it was believed t__hat those that wear forget-me-nots would not forget their lovers. According to legend, a knight and lady were walking by a river when he picked up a bunch of flowers. The armour he was wearing was so heavy that he fell into the river. As he was drowning, he threw the flowers to the lady and told her "Forget me not". To this day, the flower symbolised faithfulness, forever and enduring love._

Lets face it you're delusional.

Or not.

You know what _**they**_ say about you. It's usually followed by a why. (_Why that family? Why him?_) On the surface, he seems calm, cold and controlled but you've seen another side. You really, have. YOU HAVE OKAY. _**They**_ tell you he is not worth it. (Or you're not worth it).

He is.

You can't explain it.

* * *

_A knight and lady were walking by a river when he picked up a bunch of flowers. _

_Tekken 3_

Forget-me-not 1:

Your mother has just died.

It comes in a brown and plain telegram. It's unfair that these kinds of messages come in plain telegrams. They make you believe it's something else – a bill, an overdue library book or an invitation. You don't tell anyone (not even Panda). You are processing (_You never really knew how to grieve_). You think of it as a change because change is something that you know. You can handle change.

You stare at the window for hours.

You put on your plaited skirt, your top and put your hair into two ponytails – like always. You go to school – like always. You go to classes – like always. Miharu asks you what was wrong. You say nothing and you make sure there is an extra bounce to your step. You don't like it when Miharu worries.

You should have been there (_you and your careless amusement park dreams_). You know your mum didn't die of pneumonia. (_It was a broken heart_). At least, you know she is not suffering and she is at a better place. You don't hear from your father and you don't know when the burial will take place. (_Your father must be really busy_.)

You train at the dojo. Panda nudges your leg (What's wrong?). You say nothing and you make sure you smile as wide as you can. You don't like it when Panda worries.

Endless days pass and you continue to stare at the window. You hear nothing until Grandpa Wang Jinrei invites you for tea. (_He refuses to step foot on Mishima ground – you've never asked why. The truth is you never really cared why. Besides you were just happy to see a familiar face_). He tells you the funeral was beautiful. He _doesn't_ say you should have been there.

Grandpa Heihachi asks you what was wrong when you arrive early for training. You say nothing and you try hard to focus. You still lose. You don't want Grandpa Heihachi to worry.

You walk around the mansion; filled with ghostly faces and _yes sirs, right away Mr. Mishima._ You wonder about the other occupants (_you wanted to build an amusement park to make people happy_). Grandpa Heihachi was never there and if he was there, he spent his time in the dojo. (That or he spends time chasing you around to make sure you are at the dojo).

You sneeze. You hate the dojo. It's too… grey. The walls suffocate you and you feel small in there. The walls are covered with history that you're not meant to know. You prefer the Mishima gardens with its swaying blue flowers. You don't know what those flowers are called but it smelt like home.

You are still deciding what you think about Grandpa Heihachi. It's a battle between him firing someone and him treating Kuma's wounds. Your conversations are limited to comprehensions and ifs. (_If you do this, you get this_.)

And then there was the other occupant.

You wonder if he even knows your name. Sure, he will politely nod his head and say hello when he's sneaking _into_ the dojo and you're sneaking _out_ of the dojo.

Honestly? You were disappointed.

When you heard, you will be living with Heihachi's grandson you were excited. Your life was consistently about routines – school, homework and training. You would have loved someone to share your boredom with (No offence, Panda).

_You were disappointed._

When you first met, it was over dinner. The dinners at the Mishima mansion were about pretenses and appearances of normality. They pretend that it's not a pretense. He politely bowed and introduced himself. Then, that was it. Sure, he answered your questions. It didn't help that you were just learning Japanese. (_Are you going to Mishima Polytechnical School? Yes. Did you go to any other school? No, I was home-schooled. Do you like Gyoza?_). The last question was met with a quizzical look. You're not sure if that look means he thinks you talk too much or that you asked him if _**you **_were a Gyoza.

And this continued for weeks. You with your questions. Him and his answers. It got to the point where it was you and your questions plus you and your answers.

You sigh and you continue to stare at the window overlooking the Mishima gardens. You close your eyes and listen to a spring bird's song and you could almost pretend you are home. You could almost taste your mother's cooking. You adjust your shirt and tuck a stray hair behind your ear. You're done with staring today, you think. You really should call Miharu. You really should ask Panda to go for a skip around the gardens. You tell yourself it is better this way. You wonder whether your mother had flowers at her funeral. You wonder about your father. (Sometimes it's hard to be carefree).

You continue to gaze at the window and watch as a spiky hair young man make his way across the Mishima gardens. He disappears down the path towards the Mishima gates. After living with Jin Kazama for a month, you realise you don't know him that well.

You wonder what he is like until you find out one day.

One day, you find a blue flower and a Mochi on your unused study table. Attached to it was a note written in careful katakana.

_I'm sorry.  
_

He avoids your eyes the next day.

**[That's all it took].  
**

* * *

_The armour he was wearing was__ so heavy that he fell into the river._

_Tekken 4  
_

He goes missing.

He doesn't even tell you. (And it hurts). You sometimes wonder what you did wrong.

Or what he did wrong.

You're not stupid. You know there is the side of him that everyone whispers before a fight. (You don't know who denies it more – you or him). And you've seen it. You think back to that night in the dojo. 

Forget-me-not 2:

You were carrying buckets of pink paint out of the dojo when you saw him. Well, what looks like him? It was the same spiky hair. It was the same bangs, which hid cryptic eyes. You thought that this could not possibly the civil and quiet Jin Kazama.

There he stood alone in the dojo practising with only wooden training dummies. He was shouting. That's the closest you can describe it because the shouting was not ordinary. It was a roar, a growl, a howl and a cry of sorrow all moulded into one. It made your ears hurt. Every stick mercilessly crushed and showered the floor. The air tasted like coppper and it reminded you of the air you get when lightning was about to strike. The hits were desperate and hungry. (Hungry for what?) The roar was monstrous; you could feel every kick and every punch.

You were scared.

He had beads of sweat and vexation all over his face. His hand movements were quick and full of rage. Hit. Hit. HIT. HIT. HIT. HIT. A kick there. A punch there. The noise was deafening and you just wanted him to stop. The hair on the back of her arms stood up. HIT. KICK. HIT. KICK. HIT. Each kick and each punch becoming stronger and louder than the last.

Then, he stopped suddenly.

He collapsed on his knees and he leaned on his arm as if he is carrying the whole world. (He will). He was shaking and you hear him - a sigh betrayed a silent sob. He spoke in Japanese. You didn't understand anything but the word Ogre. (_Should have listened in class, Xiao_).He stood up shakily and he begins his routine again. This time, the kicks and punches were careful and controlled. Guarded, his normal mask.

You watched him for hours. The paint cans left on the floor.

He went missing the next day but he came back to find a blue flower on his table and a messy handwritten note in katakana.

_I'm sorry.  
_

_

* * *

_

_As he was drowning, he threw the __flowers to the lady and told her "Forget me not"._

_Tekken 6_

You are blocked from seeing him. His guards will not let you through and every time you request an appointment, he cancels or he re-schedules. Correction: His secretary cancels and re-schedules.

You call everyone you know from the tournament. They tell you the same thing.

_Get over it. Let him go. _

But you can't. You wonder why **BUT** you just can't.

You're smarter than this, you know better. You're just going to get hurt. You know what _**they**_ say. You're not asking him to let you in or even love you. You just want him to be happy. (You decided this when you saw him that one night in the dojo).

You watch the TV feverously – you're trying to catch glimpses of him. (Pathetic). You're trying to see if what they say is true. (Vindictive, cruel, merciless leader of the Mishima Zaibatsu).

And you are shocked.

It's Jin but not.

You know he has changed. He's always been troubled and conflicted but_ even_ more now. He has grown but there is something in his eyes. It's harder, more guarded and …...less young. You don't want to admit you feel like you are staring at Heihachi Mishima. He has changed. Yet it was the same determination during the third tournament. (You knew then the world was in trouble). When he talks you realise that Jin you knew is still in there. There is something though. He is hiding something. He is just going about in the wrong way. He needs to see it is the wrong way.

(You ignore that he bombed half the world and killed millions). _He could still be saved._

He announces the 6th King of Iron Fist Tournament.

You expect an invitation like always but you find blue flowers instead (You wonder sometimes if you're just dreaming). You call Nina Williams' number (after calling Lee who called Anna). Nina hangs up as soon as you introduce yourself. 

* * *

_To this day, the flower __symbolised faithfulness and enduring love._

_Post Tekken 6_

Forget me not 3:

He defeats you and walks away.

**He walks away.**

He _walks _away and suddenly you can't breathe. The pain you felt before feels unbearable and you are gasping for air. Your skin is crawling and desperate to seek relief. Your mouth tastes of copper and your vision goes unclear. You smell blood and you are suddenly tired. As if these past years have suddenly crushed you and you can hardly feel your body. Everything was heavy.

**He walked away. **

Somehow, you end up in a hospital bed. You remember a blonde hair woman and a red hair man helping you. The doctors tell you that you will recover from your injuries and it will start to hurt less (you don't believe him). There is a bunch of forget-me-nots on the table beside your hospital bed. You don't want to see the carefully written katakana that says I'm sorry. (Or did it say_, I told you so_).

You chuck the flowers against the wall as hard as you can.

Maybe, t**hey** were right.

* * *

**A/N:** Concrit, feedback and whatever are love.

_Gyoza – Japanese dumpling. _

_Mochi – Japanese sweets. _

**Next chapter:** Take a hint; Scram!

_**Scram**__** -/verb:**_ to get out**. **

"_This is none of__ your business Xiao. I cannot make it more clear. I don't want you in my life". Walk away. Just walk away. _


	3. Scram!

**Scram/: verb** – an informal way to say go away.

_Hate. __Hate is such a strong word. _

_The world hates him._

When he induces a war against all countries, he receives two telegrams. The first is worn and torn – it reminded him of the mountain air where he grew up in. (Home – he's nearly forgotten about it. He sometimes wishes he could forget it). (_Fool. That's what made you stronger, you are nothing without it)_.The first telegram had an unrecognisable script that read:

**_Did you let the devil win?_**

He frowns. The telegram reminded him of something but he can't quite remember it exactly. It's like a dream that has escaped.

The second was straightforward and had a G corporation logo stamped at the end.

**_I knew you __would give in._**

He sighs and he watches "his" expanding empire (_Build it up and then crush it down just like toy blocks. Pathetic idiots_).

He wants them to hate him.

To hate him means that he is doing something right. To hate him means that the monster within will come out. (_It's already come out._ Quiet.) To hate him will make the world right. That's why he laughs when he hears the world is after him. Hate. Hate is a good thing. He smirks, he brags and he lets them know they are weak. He ignores them – You killed my sister. Who? (_Are you sure, you're not a monster?_)

No. The telegrams are wrong. He did not give in; he is not that weak. He's doing it to defeat the monster. (_To get rid of the monster' and save the world. How "noble". How "heroic". Jin Kazama the misunderstood hero_).

_(Deluded__.)_

[You didn't want to create a war so that you can save the world. You created the world to make it stop. Stop. _It will never stop, I'm you and you're me. Look around you Kazama. How can you deny it? How can you deny yourself? Look at the way they bleed, look at the way they scream. Look at they way they fear you. Those screams of terror – doesn't it make you want to laugh with happiness – the rush of it – you created it. You're just like a god who can build it up and knock it down with just one sweep, one whisper. Can you feel it? Those begging you to stop until their gasping their last breathe. They want you to destroy them. Little worthless beings. _They are people._ People screaming for you to crush them. Each one of them – CHAOS. PERFECT. We need chaos._ We need peace. _ It's yours, take it KAZAMA. Don't be WEAK! WEAK is why Heihachi put a bullet through your brain. _ Why me? _WEAK is why your mother is DEAD. Fire. Rage. Child of Destiny. SCREAM. You can't get her scream out of your head. WEAK. You're WEAK. _Shut up. _HAHAHAHAHAHA_. You just want the whispers to stop (_they will never stop. It's in you_). All the time, whispering, always whispering. _Kill_. You just want the _why me why me_ to stop. ]

* * *

His secretary comes in with requests of appointments. The office is like any ordinary office. It's long and the walls are bare except for intricate design of vines that weave in and out. On one side there are windows that remind him why he is doing it. Save them. (_Riiiiight. If you think so_). The setting sun makes the office much darker or maybe it's just the décor that casted shadows everywhere.

His secretary places your appointments on an overly large desk that stand at the end of _the_ office. (_Your _office sounds foreign to your mouth). Yes, Lili Rochefort. (_Tart_) Yes, Eddy Guardo. (_Cretin_). Yes, he wants a meeting with the cybernetics scientist. Then he stops, he sees a name he doesn't want to see.

_**Ling Xiaoyu. 10 am Thursday.  
**_

He tells his secretary to reschedule. (_Weak_)

He can't explain it. He doesn't want to see her. She needs to be out of the way. Protectiveness? He doesn't know.

When he first met her, he thought she was nothing. Small, Chinese, childish – he thought Heihachi has finally lost it. What was he doing trying to put her in the tournament?

He saw her accidentally fight one night. She was training with a Jack and he had stayed to watch. He told himself it was curiosity but even back then, he knew it was just a lie. He stayed because he wanted to make sure she was alright. (_Damn, the Kazama gene_). She was going to lose the fight.

It **didn't** help that she was whining about how big the Jack was.

But three minutes into the fight, she had that Jack squirming on the ground. He knew she somehow rolled on the side, kicked it backwards, grabbed the leg and spun it so that it was on its back.

Jin knew then that this girl put a mask too.

He pinches the bridge of his nose with two fingers and shakes the forgotten yesterdays out of his head. He could a feel a headache coming along. Is what you're doing right? (_No, it's not. You're selfish, Kazama. Just like me)._

He doesn't tell anybody about his plans. One, there is no one to tell. Two, the only person he would probably tell is somewhere in Japan complaining to a panda how hard maths was. (He allows him a small smirk). He didn't tell her because to tell you the truth was he was afraid.

Afraid.

Afraid that she will call him coward. She will tell him it's not the right way and that a coward only tries to end it without trying to fighting it. (_What if the battle is already won?_ Quiet). But he's been fighting it for so long and he is giving up. He is afraid to admit that maybe he's already given up and he let it go. (_You have_)

She will reminded him of days when he was still someone his mother will be proud of. She will remind him of walks under the cherry blossoms trees and shades under the blue skies.

He doesn't want to do it anymore. He was really a coward. However, these thoughts occur only when he is alone and tired. They are rare. He does not think of her because it reminds him of what he really is.

Coward.

But he needs to tell someone of his plans. (Why_? Do you think they tell you you're doing the right thing? Hhahahaha._ )

He needs to tell **someone.**

He tells Nina the next day of his plans.

* * *

One thing he should have known about Xiao is that she was determined. If she wanted something, she will get that something.

He sees her.

She's surrounded by a dozen of his men who are writhing on the ground in front of his old school. (_Why did you never take advantage of that, Kazama? Because she's has definitely grown…_) He breathes in the nostalgic air and steadies himself.

He tells her to stop following him. There is no smirk or a hint of arrogance in his face - he saves that for everybody else. He keeps his mask as neutral as he can – keep the guard up. He's struggling to keep it present and not fall into yesterdays.

But there it is again. The fire in her eyes that tells him she will not let this go. She is living in the past.

She tells him he is doing bad things for good reasons and for a second, his mask falls and he breathes in the cherry blossom scent. Just for a second. [ How could she know? _Why does she believe you?_]

There is a flicker and for a moment, just a moment he doubts himself again. (_Weak_) Is this the right way? He drowns out her voice and tells her it is none of her business. He has sacrificed so much already. (Is that what you have to pay for your soul?) He moves his arm to get into a fighting position and he doesn't see it but he knows his tattoo is taunting him. His coat has become heavier and he is struggling to put his hands up. Yes, it's the right way.

He leaves her bleeding on the ground. (_Pathetic, she looks like a kicked puppy)_. He tells her as cold as he can this does not concern you.

And he walks away.

He needs to be cruel to be kind _(How about just cruel?)._ Xiao, walk away, just go. Go away, scram, and get away. Just forget everything. Just walk away. Don't follow me. Leave me. Please.

He hates his Mishima blood. (_Liar, liar, pants on fire. PANTS ON FIRE. You chose the Mishima colours; you wear it proudly when you fight. You chose the devil mark to be your logo. You've given in, slowly._ It's just for appearances – I want them to believe I've given in. _Liar, we know the truth._ )

Nina gives him a look at they sit in the car. She asks him why he chose to visit the Mishima Polytechnic knowing that she will be there.

He continues to watch the world outside the car window.

* * *

Nina tells him congratulations the world hates him.

(He was doing the right thing).

Yes, the hate was okay. The hate was good. He was prepared for the world to hate him.

He just wasn't prepared for _**HER**_ hate.

* * *

**A/N:** Concrit, feedback, love, flames are love.

_Next chapter: Carnival_

_**Carnival:**__ is a festive season that involves public celebration or a parade. _


	4. Carnival

_**Carnival:**__ is a festive season that involves public celebration or a parade._

* * *

When the world hears Jin Kazama was dead, it rejoices. People are smiling, coming out from their thrown fists and thrown rocks. They pretend it didn't happen.

The world was at peace again.

Except one.

She is staring at her window – a ghost of a smile spread among her delicate features. Tissues littered her bed sheet and a love song plays in the background . She is not holding to yesterdays and she understands that it was just a delusion. She thought she knew him. **Keyword:** thought.

She is reminding herself that he walked away. (_You are walking away too but backwards_). She reminds herself she hates him – hate but in love. She is at peace. She went on with her life. She has stopped shaking every time Mishima is whispered. She has finished school and now she is stuck. (Waiting, always waiting).

She was always so delusional and naïve. She wanted to believe he was good. She was wrong. She never realised murmurs of devil were true. She chose not to listen.

She sighs. She's living in the past again and she promised she is going to live for tomorrow. She use to be that girl that lived for tomorrows.

The carnival was in town. The G Corporation hosts it every four years. Like the carnival, they don't realise that the G Corporation's smiles and laughter hid a world that is trying to swallow you whole.

It's fake.

But.

It's something that makes Xiaoyu forget. Like the amusement parks, she can pretend that the world was alright. The world was happy. She does not need to be reminded of expectations and responsibilities. It's place she cannot grow up. It's safe.

Therefore, she goes.

Her first step was tentative and she is struggling to remember how to walk. But laughter and ringing meets her ears and she can't help but jump on the balls of her feet. She smells the sweet taste of cotton candy and her mouth is aching for her to follow the smell. The colours attack her senses. She was home, she thinks.

She laughs as the ride spins her so fast that she can't stand up. She laughs harder as she falls onto the floor. People give her looks and her laughter attracts a few men – especially one that is standing near a bike.

He wasn't tall or short but his fiery red hair stood out the most. His defensive eyes and bulky attire made their way to the still-laughing Chinese girl on the floor.

"You know, I don't think the carnival is employing small crazy Chinese girl," he says "but keep trying".

The joke sounds lamer when it spoken loudly. She stops and she tries to give him a serious look. She laughs after a second. He tilts his head. He is standing still with his chin pushed high. She thinks of a lion for a second.

"What are you doing now, Hwoarang?" she grins as she stands from her sitting position. The corners of her mouth are still turned up.

* * *

He is reminded of the first time they met. (It was the first time he met Kazama too). He suddenly spits on the ground as if he felt something bad in his mouth.

It was at a dodgy basement where he usually swindled his unsuspecting fools. Bunches of Japanese fighters were in town to compete at a local fighting tournament. He thought he could make a quick cash of them.

First, he noticed Kazama – all I'm-so-mysterious-with-my-hoodie-on-at-the-back-of-the-crowd. Their "leader" agreed to an unofficial match. Hwoarang noticed their leader agreed only after giving a quick glance to Kazama who responded with a nod.

So, his group fought as they always did and they won as they always did. Kazama was watching.

It went as it always did until he fought Kazama. He just couldn't. He tried, and he _really_ tried but he just couldn't. After the fight, they are both on the ground. One of Hwoarang's men tries to grab the money but the Chinese girl stops him. The girl flipped over the man and kicked the man to the ground. He was surprised he thought she was just an escort or one of the girlfriends. Kazama's girl doesn't seem right even back then.

He remembers that she smiled at him as she follows Kazama out of the basement.

* * *

He invites her for coffee or something while she drags him to the Ferris wheel.

"I can't."

There is a pause that says just kidding.

" I just can't." She's had enough of carnivals' laughter and smiles.

* * *

His cellphone rings as he and the rest of the world watches the new CEO of Mishima corporation Lars Alexandersson lay a wreath on the memorial they've put up for those that have fallen in the war. There were too many names. The new CEO stops and stares at the largest commemorative piece as if he is recollecting a memory. The commemorative plaque reads:_ Unknown. The greatest trick the devil pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.  
_  
He receives a text and takes his eyes off the tv screen.

_**Are you still keen for that coffee?

* * *

**_

_Next chapter:_

Analysis_ **noun:-/** The process of studying the nature of something._

There are two sides to a relationship. There is the happy, you-make-my-life worth living side and there is the angry, you-make-my-life-a-living-hell.

What they don't know there is a third side – there is a pretend side.

A one-sided, all in your head side.


End file.
